Law of Human Nature

Let’s understand the laws of human nature. This will help me understand myself first and then others.

Recognizing the Biases

1. Confrontation Bias: We often interpret neutral situations as personal attacks, leading to unnecessary conflict. For instance, a simple suggestion from a colleague might be perceived as a criticism of your abilities.
2. Conviction Bias: We tend to cling to our beliefs, even when presented with contradictory evidence. Think about someone who refuses to change their political views, even when faced with facts that disprove their arguments.
3. Appearance Bias: We make assumptions about people based on their looks, often leading to misjudgments. A person in a business suit may be assumed to be competent, while someone casually dressed might be seen as less capable, regardless of their actual skills.
4. Group Bias: We favor those who are similar to us and discriminate against those who aren’t. This can manifest as loyalty to our own team, even when they are clearly in the wrong.
5. Blame Bias: We have a natural tendency to blame others for our problems, rather than looking at our own contribution to the situation. A project failure might be blamed on team members instead of reflecting on one’s own leadership.
6. Superiority Bias: We have an inflated sense of self-worth, often believing we are better than others in various aspects. It’s the common feeling that we’re above average, even in areas where we lack competence.

Inflaming Factors

1. Trigger Points from Early Childhood: Early traumas and negative experiences can shape emotional sensitivities that cause us to overreact later in life. A seemingly minor incident may trigger an unexpectedly intense response due to a childhood wound.
2. Sudden Gains or Losses: Extreme changes in fortune can unbalance our sense of self and lead to irrational behavior. A sudden lottery win can lead to irresponsible spending and reckless behavior.
3. Rising Pressure: Increased stress can amplify our worst tendencies and make us more prone to error. Meeting a tight deadline or working under immense pressure can lead to making poor decisions.
4. Inflaming Individuals: Certain personalities have a knack for triggering our negative emotions and pushing our buttons. A colleague known for being argumentative can ignite conflict.
5. Group Effect: When in a group, we are more susceptible to collective emotions and can behave in ways we wouldn’t normally when alone. The enthusiasm at a sports game can lead to unruly behavior, even for normally calm people.

How to Develop Your Rational Self

1. Accept Irrationality: The first step is recognizing that we are not always logical and are driven by emotions. Understanding that we have irrational tendencies allows us to become more self-aware and mitigate the damage these tendencies cause.
2. Examine Reactions: When we experience a strong emotional response, we should pause and examine the cause of our reaction instead of blindly reacting. Stepping back and reflecting on why you got angry can reveal underlying insecurities.
3. Increase Reaction Time: Practice delaying your immediate response to emotionally charged situations to allow time for rational thought. Instead of lashing out immediately, count to ten or take a deep breath.
4. Stop Trying to Change People: You can’t force others to see things your way; accept people for who they are and focus on your own behavior. Trying to force someone to change often leads to frustration and resistance.

We are all narcissists, some deeper on the spectrum than others. We all need for attention and validation, it’s part of the human experience.

We should move from deep narcissists to empathy. Below are Four skills

1. Empathetic Attitude: Approaching others with genuine curiosity and a willingness to understand their perspective. Instead of judging, try to step into their shoes.
2. Visceral Empathy: Feeling another person’s emotional state as if it were your own. When your friend is grieving, feeling their sadness can create a deeper connection.
3. Analytic Empathy: Understanding the underlying reasons for a person’s behavior, even if you don’t agree with it. Analyzing a colleague’s motivation for being late can lead to a more nuanced perspective.
4. Empathetic Skill: Using your understanding of others to build connections and influence them effectively. By understanding a person’s insecurities, you can offer solutions that resonate with them.

Empathy is more than anything a state of mind. A different way of relating to others.

People are like the moon. They only show you one of their sides. We should be aware of the hidden aspects of people’s personalities that they choose to keep private.

Character is destiny. Our ingrained habits and patterns significantly shape the course of our lives. It is possible to lessen your character but takes consistent work. The most significant indicator of people’s character comes through their actions over time, not through their words.

People’s interest in you will be paper thin. Do not follow the moralism of the times. Which urges honesty at the expense of desirability. The relentless pursuit of honesty may not always be the best strategy for getting what you want. How to stimulate desire?

1. Know when and how to withdraw: Creating a sense of mystery can often increase someone’s interest in you. Disappearing for a short period makes people wonder about you.
2. Create rivalries of desire: People tend to want what others want, so creating a sense of competition can make you more desirable. When several people vie for your attention, others will notice.
3. Use induction: Suggesting, rather than demanding, can help influence people’s decisions. For example, ask a thought provoking question instead of giving direct advice.

Look inward. Focus on what you truly desire. Don’t become distracted by what everyone else is chasing. External goals and validations are fleeting.

Signs of shortsightedness

1. Unintended Consequences: A lack of foresight can lead to negative and unforeseen outcomes. A quick fix in a project can cause more problems down the line.
2. Tactical Hell: Focusing solely on the short term can make you lose sight of your larger purpose and value. A constant cycle of responding to emails and messages may cause you to lose track of important projects.
3. Ticker Tape Fever: Obsessively following social trends and news can cause you to lose sight of your long-term goals. Trying to keep up with the latest viral fad will eventually become exhausting and pointless.
4. Lost in Trivia: Focusing on the details and losing sight of the big picture can cause paralysis. Instead of trying to know every single detail, delegate them and focus on what really matters.

The law of defensiveness

5 Strategy to Persuade

1. Transform yourself into a deep listener: Truly listening to others is a way of disarming them and winning their trust and confidence. By really hearing their worries, they become much more receptive to you.
2. Infect people with the proper mood: By projecting a specific emotion (like calm confidence), you can influence how others respond to you. Enter the room with a calm and confident state, so they also feel the calm and confident state.
3. Confirm their self-opinions: Reinforcing people’s self-image can make them more agreeable. By complementing their intelligence, they are likely to trust you more.
4. Ally their insecurities: Showing that you understand their weaknesses can make you more relatable and trustworthy. By showing that you understand their concerns, they are more willing to follow you.
5. Use people’s resistance and stubbornness: People resist change. Instead of pushing against it, try to align with their resistance and use it as momentum. Instead of arguing with someone’s contrarian views, find common ground.

The royal road to influence is to put the focus on others. Let them do the talking. Let them be the stars of the show. By shifting focus from yourself to others, they will trust you more.